I have experienced the “dissolving/becoming”. It was terrible/wonderous!

I lost myself. I fell.

To lose ones self, to me, must be a form of Grace, where something profound happens that we could not do ourselves>> to un-do us… to disillusion and dissolve us. Our sense of identity ( ego mind ) is mostly false and must unravel, incinerate, because it is made up of inner lies and projections and delusions… ie. not based in Reality. Asleep. This to me is a magical occurance, while at the same time… it can feel like a death by a thousand cuts, if we resist. It is a fundamental element of True transformation… if we allow it. If we resist or attempt to control…. we will experience suffering… and maybe get stuck in it.

close up:

It is much like the caterpillar in the cocoon… the juices of transformation dissolves the worm and at the same time the butterfly is forming… and it will FLY!!

Mysterious and and brilliant is this process.

We have only to be humbly un-attached to any outcomes of any stories… and surrender to it. Trust.

The rest takes care of itself, once we get out of our own way.

So here is morph #4

I have nothing to say yet about this painting…. yet.

beginning, with a painting i did and never finished about 7 years ago.

I have been away from my blog for awhile… but now i am back, with my newest art project, and my first 3 morphs…. as the painting develops.

I have been eying an unfinished painting that i have had stored in my studio for about 7 years. It was inspired by La Grande Odalisque – by Ingres… but a friend posed for it… and i did not intend to copy Ingres’ painting, but to do my own odalisque in a similar pose.

Finally i decided to dust it off… lay out my luscious oils, and play with it, and see what happens. I am enjoying it so far, and am very curious about where it will go from here…. it is very unfinished, and the hands and feet, and some anatomy are especially in a primitive level of development… but here i have the first 3 morphs. And i will post more as i go.

This is morph number 2:

This is number 3:

After my many years as a such a controlled and perfectionist painter….this is totally new territory for me. ( one i have been playing with for many months now, as posted in this blog, each a different experience and flavor…and for me, a delight every one, for reasons my ‘mind’ cannot explain. ) Like i have been set free of the mental control part …to just allow something to intuitively occur out of movement and feeling playful and inspired to be attempting such a courageous (for me) thing, and joyful when certain surprises occur as the painting unfolds! The abandon…the out-of-mind field…eyes wide open….with some paint and brushes in hand….here we go on a ride to the unknown. My love for the unknown continues to expand….not just in my art.

close up…Intuitive Splash:

4. Here it is today….and on it goes…where it stops nobody knows….:)

close up of #4.

*1. First installment…january 7

OK…here i go again beginning a painting with no thought…just playing in movement and colors bouncing about in  splashes….

It is a time of breaking out and expanding beyond old ‘boxes’ (both personally and artistically)… allowing new movement without judgement. A journey into the unknown…i am becoming quite the friend of the unknown.

The known has become stale…it is past and it is done….todays moments are not carrying nearly as much of the past as before. I am experiencing a fresh air of mystery in this cleaner perspective! I have always been drawn to the magic inherent in the mysterious…and now feel lighter and thus more capable and trusting to take this leap.

*2. Jan 8..the next day of a joyful and delightfully meaningless dance of color and texture with oils:

I feel like i want to dive into this painting and play with the colors where it calls me. Very in the present moment….empty of mental….to see where it takes me…i have zero attachment to where it goes!!! I love this feeling…very free…breathing life…awake to this moment…

This spontaneous approach to my art is reflective of what is happening to me within. A sense of surrender and trust….and a curiousity as to what the universe has for me…a new openness to receive it…(and a gratefulness to be relieved of so much of the weight i used to carry inside.)

Here is the finished painting…”Speechless.”

(click image to enlarge)

The title arrived in a magical way. Every title idea that came to me felt just wrong altogether…until i remembered that what happens in this vision has no mental definition at all….

The mind is not the tool to ‘See’ ( grok ) this painting….to explore the rich realms beyond mind…so lovely…playful…free…

(detail)

A pure spontaneous experience can be spoiled or limited (put in a box) when the mind is put to task to define it. But then, sometimes the word used can be a kind of bridge or trigger…and can deepen the meaning of an experience. This title does both… for me.

(detail)

This image feels auspicious….to me….almost like a blessing.

**As a side note: My website and blog are a year old now, and during this time my art has been changing, along with me….and i would love to hear (read) from those who are visiting, so i know who you are! A small comment would be very welcomed to begin this new year.

Morph #3. Colors deepening, brightening….more spheres….and then, quite by surprise….ta da!!!”They” came in….mmmmmm….and i got such a rush of Love and playfullness as they began appearing in the bubble orbs….and they will continue to develope as i go on…..soon i will send morph #4. This is as out of my hands as i can manage…i allow this to create itself….i am but an instrument.

#3. close up

another morph #3 close up

Here it is now….:Morph 2

( close-up )

Morph 2. So today i go naked of ideas into this strange environment that is forming…and see where the journey takes me. This quite mirrors what is going on in my inner life…a journey into the unknown…miracles of surrender into the creative juices.

I will send Morph 3. soon….

I don’t want to say too much here. I will leave this painting’s meaning to each viewer’s imagination…so  I want to keep it pure…

I had no idea where to begin, i had no ideas, no visions…so i shut off my mind, opened up and dove into the unknown…the empty white canvas…non manifest. (I have posted 5 previous stages of its morphing into being.)

For me this image began with “allowing” powerful movement with absence of restriction; then a reflective pool formed; and then utter stillness developed with an energetic vortex inviting one to go deeper in…deeper still……

Or…maybe it is simply a fun painting to create, and to look at!

( close up )I would be interested to hear what you saw and felt about this painting…please feel free to comment if you want…….